CRACKS IN MY HEART

 

BY  JACOB OCHIENG'

I visit my past way more often these days

Even though I don’t live there anymore

I visit it in the early hours of the morning

As the day is just beginning and late in the night

When am about to sleep

My last visit was different though I see myself

Walking in the rain, a skosh of perfume lingers

It reminds me of you and for a moment

You are closer than ever before “Damn

I miss you”. But just like clouds my heart is

Crying too

Later in the night I thought of you, but

That was nothing new to me because I thought

Of you today yesterday and the day before that too

I think of you in silence and often speak your name

All I have are memories and a picture of you in a frame

Your memory is a keepsake from which I’ll never part

I have you in my heart

My mind knows I can’t have you but that doesn’t stop

It from dreaming of all the ways I could

Regrets cut through my conscious like a knife

I need to make amends, there is no excuse for the damage I did

I was too weak to admit I was wrong; all I did was add salt the wounds

I failed you a thousand times, there is no way I can repair this

If you choose to not forgive me it’s fair

Sometimes I turn over memories in my head and think

I should have touched you and kissed you then

Maybe I should have hugged and held you more tightly then

But mostly I turn over one memory in my head and think

You shouldn’t have left me then

But I know from loving you that, lost is lost

Even if it is beautiful.