CHILDHOOD
TRAUMA
By Dravil Duke
Lately, I have been thinking
about how our childhood upbringing affects adulthood and what they call
trauma. Knowledge and education have taught us to discern what is wrong and correct
in all contexts.
Chanced on a video of the
Nyeri woman abusing and criticizing her husband in front of a kid, I wondered what this did to the child. Of
course, if the child is cognizant and has a healthy long-term memory, the image
of parents fighting or the father beating the mother will never leave her.
Insults. Poverty. Abuse.
Incest. Rape. Neglect. It can also contribute to trauma.
According to Mary Trump’s
book on her famous uncle, Trump became a pathological narcissist because he was
ignored as a child and his father, Fred, believed in winning at all costs. And
look what happened due to that neglect—a man constantly seeking favour.
As children, most of us
went through a lot.
People used to erase such
memories and move on with their lives. However, with modern psychology becoming
all too available, most people cannot overcome their childhood demons.
It now manifests itself
in a variety of ways. Someone who grew up in poverty may have a horrible spouse
because they make money their only goal in life. Someone mistreated (incest,
rape, etc.) find it difficult to trust again, and every minor trigger sets them
off. Some people handle it better than others.
However, the majority of
people are afraid. Out here, people are terrified of their shadows. Moreover,
we act so foolishly to hide our fears that it worries me.
In his 21 Lessons for the
Twenty-First Century, Yuval Noah presents a compelling argument for secularity
as an antidote to religion's constraints. He extols the virtues of secularism
in its pursuit of compassion, freedom, and equality. But he stops short of
claiming that humans may be scientifically manipulated or designed to develop
compassion, empathy, and other traits.
It's a hollow argument
because humans are complicated, and no amount of science or psychology can
explain how unreasonable we are. It's similar to the now-debunked idea that
humans are rational buyers. Have you ever seen where men start buying mizingas?
For example, why do
people, especially educated ones, squabble in front of their children? Or do
harmful things to other people, even those they love, knowing full well the
consequences? Why do we continually crave vengeance, even when we know it will
harm us more? Why do we live to prove a point, even if it is meaningless? Why
is there so much pettiness in relationships and even friendships?
Is it possible to get
over one's pride? To control our ego? Is it feasible to live down to the
calling of adulthood and its responsibilities?
And, more crucially,
given our brokenness, can we spare our children unneeded turmoil and give them
a fair chance in life?
Dravilduke88@gmail. com
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