My Lost Soul

My lost soul 

By Titus Maloba 

I am a lost soul. I have been nursing heartbreak for months now. I have tried to number my wounds in the most unorthodox of ways. I have dated twins; orphans, and I have had a sponsor once. I have been a good student of love, but I have failed to follow the rubric of love. For my troubles, I have cheated, lied, and lost my soul while at it.

I remember the last attempt at acing this class called love. I met a girl. Her name was Nekesa. She made me feel all sorts of feels. I had butterflies in my stomach. I quivered and shivered at her touch. She made me laugh, and my mundane life stopped being so mundane. If you have never had a girl drive you wild, you have not lived yet. When it's dusk, and all the neighbors are quiet, she will slide her hand to my thighs, and like a conditioned response, every nerve of my being is activated, and I meet her with a growl. I want to devour till we go sour.

I am a firm believer that at least once in life. I guess this is mine. I feel so at home with her. I have found pleasure in being in her arms. My mind is always racing with insane and weird ideas to try with her. We are not always at par instinct-wise, but we find a way to make it work. We are conscious of our need for each other, our raw desire. We consent our way into adventures we never imagined possible. We take risks, and so far, so good. Our movements are in perfect harmony.

Do not get me wrong. We take our spirituality very seriously. We read the Bible, we worship, and we pray. There is a solid discipline around this matter, and we take meditation sessions occasionally. We have a good thing going, I am tempted to say perfect, but I do not want to jinx it. We go to church, although lately, we have been slacking off. We have taken to the habit of calling the higher deity every morning in our house. In our own twisted way, we fit like perfect functional cog saw.

Some days, we decide not to sleep at night. We later slept the whole following day. Some of our mornings start at twelve noon. For us, there is nothing terrible to worry about. Our usual daily duties are watching movies, reading our favourite stories, gossiping about our friends, and cuddling.

We have to refer to each of them by some nasty names, and nobody feels bad about it. I can't wait to be called 'Umbwa'. She also can't wait to be called 'bro”. I  am impressed by the way she smells. I sometimes wonder what goes through her mind when she is careless with her hygiene. She does not care about my sweaty armpits after I hit the gym. She holds me, and we fly away to ecstasy city.

I remember how all this went to the drain. I met the boys she attended church with. I knew I had been deceived. Something did not sit right. They were everything I was never going to be. It all boiled down to Hosea. He had managed to capture her heart even though I thought she was entirely mine. I failed the love class again, but I knew why this time.

 I no longer miss Nekesa. But I know I will always love her. She gave me the gift of freedom. I do not call anyone, bro. I have no one to hold me accountable or turn every conversation into a quarrel. Now I just walk around with my lost soul. It is the only thing preventing me from getting lost.