The sharp knife,of a short life

By Susan 

Fear of pain is universal. Even the strongest of animals and humans cave when exposed to a certain level of pain,whether physical ,mental or emotional. When you are raised in a family that can barely make ends meet,and has little to scrape by,you develop a fear for poverty and everything it comes with. The discrimination, low self esteem, lack of self worth and always thinking people see your worth based on your cheque book.

We cannot debate and come up with a conclusion saying that their is a greater pain than the other, yes physical pain like injuring a leg or a hand can be treated and things can go back to normal but when it comes to emotional pain it's something which can even take years for one to completely heal. Emotional pain is real agonizing. The pain of loss ,by death. For this,there is no marked time frame for grieving or healing.

When I was a child,I knew nothing about death,then I grew up and learnt just how painful and final death is. Social media doesn't make it any easier, our mourning is restricted to posting photos, videos of happy times together with captions of RIP (Rest in peace ).Strange how death knocks without a warning. One minute you are all happy and carefree with a family member or friend and next thing you are fumbling to read the Eulogy because  you just do just do not think you've had enough time with them.

Thinking that they will no longer be part of your life,your laughter,your plans together.The feeling is crippling .Death of someone you know or love takes you to the darkest corners of yourself. You will question mother nature, you will blame yourself for not being there to the very end .You will feel guilty if you had conflicts, the kind that will eat you inside out and make you want to tear your heart apart.

Maybe at the end of the day as the coffin descends into the ground and "from the soil she came, to the soil he shall return ", you will have to make a decision. It is going to be hard and painful. But ,you choose to live .With the pain the hurt ,until one day,it doesn't get ahead of your life .Other important things come ahead and there is a glimmer of hope.

A Christian like myself has to learn how to pray again and give thanks I have to know how to keep my faith that I will live a full life .I have to accept the grieving process so I can heal. Keep yourself around people that are happy and positive. Accept that the toughest days will not be the ones after the funeral where everyone handles you like a porcelain bowl. It is the days after that when they are all gone and you're left alone with the darkness.