I don't know if it's
adrenaline when you see your affectionate ex, or is it just hormones playing
"I noticed him.” Well, we can't quite tell either because we are either
trying to quicken our steps or it's him trying to avoid those kinds of awkward
stares and terrible moments.
So that aside, the ex-boyfriend
is back, yet there's someone else in the picture now. Not that it matters who
owns the camera, my ego is at stake here, but the heart pays the price. It
always does. I am in the conflict approach, yet I can’t seem to want to solve
it.
This got my head on steam,
and I can't quite sit still. From one side, it’s appealing to walk towards it
and get entangled in the old nonsense that was fun while it lasted. It’s more
manageable that way. I would entice myself to forget the nasty breakup and take
him in as if nothing had happened. On the other side, starting something new
with this stranger looks beautiful. He seems like the kind that won't cheat.
Instead, he'll go to the club, get high drunk, dance alone in that sad world
and go home at 5 am.
It's not like I am glorifying darkness amid a
sad soul, but aren't we all sorry? Aren't we all scavenging for something?
Approval, satisfaction, love, change, name it all. Once we grasp it, we forget
how to be satisfied. We want more and
more; we get greedy and lust for more. In the quest for more, we lose our true selves,
our human nature. We surrender ourselves to chaos.
This then leaves me wondering
if it’s right to get entangled in a situation that I know might turn into
something or return to that ex. We all have those clingy exes that seem never
to move on. Even when they have the power in themselves, they move on; they want
to hold on. Drag you in the mud with them even when it's clear you weren't
bound to last.
